


Good Omens - Chats

by SporadicReader



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Angels, Aziraphale Loves Crowley (Good Omens), Crowley Hates Gabriel (Good Omens), Crowley Loves Aziraphale (Good Omens), Demons, Humor, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), Ineffable Idiots (Good Omens), Multi, Snake Crowley (Good Omens)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-06-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:09:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 2,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24875182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SporadicReader/pseuds/SporadicReader
Summary: Funny and chaotic chats between the characters of "Good Omens". :)
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Kudos: 5





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! :D  
> This is the first chapter of "Good Omens - Chats". The spelling mistakes in Crowley‘s parts are intentionally because… well, he‘s drunk. Hahah. Moreover, I don’t own anything Good Omens. I’m just writing for fun and making no profit. :)  
> -SporadicReader

Crowley: If anyonek starts to insult my angel, I‘m gonna makeg confetti out of you!!!&:?!

Aziraphale: Crowley??? O_O

Gabriel: It seems like a certain demon drank way too much alcohol…

Hastur: Do you have any other hobbies than drinking wine? -.-

Crowley: Yeahhhh! Drinking whisky hehehuhu!!

Beelzebub: *facepalm*

Aziraphale: I hope there‘s still some wine for me, my dear… :(

Crowley: Uhm… there may be a sip in one of the bottles.  
I‘m so sorryyyy, angel!! It was soOoOo tastyo! *-*

Aziraphale: ><

Hastur: You‘re such a miser.

Crowley: Shut up. You stupido jerk. :P

Hastur: I‘ll show you "stupida jerk“, you wine barrel!!!

Crowley: I‘ve saidd "stupido jerk". :P  
It helps if you can read, eh? :P

Hastur: You‘re a dead man!!!

Michael: Dang… stupidity knows no bounds. 

Ligur: Is this stupid chat thing even necessary?

Aziraphale: Yeah! ^^  
It‘s such a great way to communicate. :D

Beelzebub: I don‘t even want to communicate.  
My life is none of your goddamn business!

Crowley: I wouldn’t say "goddamn"… they couldf start to believe thato you are insulting their mommy. :P

Gabriel: Exactly!!!

Aziraphale: Guys… we should be kind to each other. ^^'

Crowley: You‘re so right, my beautiful cupcake. <3

Aziraphale: My dear boy! Don‘t say this when everyone can read this! It’s… it‘s too embarrassing! ><

Gabriel: Oh Heaven…  
Is it even worthwhile to consume this earthly alcohol stuff? -.-

Crowley: Absolutely duUuUude! xD  
I’ve even tried to crawl into a bottle (in my snake form, of course) to be a genie in the bottle heheh. 

Gabriel: Don‘t. Call. Me. Dude!!!  
And this is the most idiotic idea I’ve ever heard!!

Crowley: Oh come on, mind your bloodf pressure! :P  
I‘m so happy right now, I even baked an Apple Pie for you. ^^

Aziraphale: Oh no!! O_O

Gabriel: An Apple Pie… an Apple Pie?!?! Are you kidding me?! The apple is the fruit of sin, you stupid demon!!!!

Crowley: Don’t get so upset, you buzzkill. :P

Beelzebub: I’ve never thought I would say this, but… you did a great job, Crowley. xD

Aziraphale: -.-

Crowley: Anyways… I’m gonna take a bubble bath with my rubber duck "Duke Georges van Knittelbart".  
I‘m waiting for you, angel. <3

Aziraphale: Crowley!!!! O_O

Michael: Oh man…


	2. Chapter 2

Crowley: Dang… I’m so exhausted. -.-

Michael: That’s your own fault, you idiot. 

Crowley: And I have a giant memory lapse. O_o

Aziraphale: My poor darling. :(

Hastur: Is your stupid brain a bar of soap?!

Crowley: Wot???

Hastur: Will it become less and less every time you screw things up??

Crowley: Dude, it’s 7am! Don’t overwhelm me with the shit you‘re talking about!

Hastur: I suppose that means "yes". 

Crowley: Did I say "Open trash can" or why are you still talking to me?!

Hastur: Did you just call me "trash can"?!

Crowley: Yeah? :P  
Anyways, why is there an Apple Pie in the kitchen, angel?

Aziraphale: Uhm… well…

Gabriel: You said that you baked it for me! What a nerve! You wanted to see me Fall, eh?!?!?!

Beelzebub: I think your niveau can’t even sink any deeper, so stop your whining, Gabriela. :P

Gabriel: You have the brass to…

Crowley: Blablabla.   
Anything else happened yesterday, angel?

Aziraphale: Well… yeah… other stuff. ^^'  
For example, you tried to reenact some scenes of "Titanic" with your rubber duck Duke Georges van Knittelbart. ^^'

Beelzebub: Bwhahah I’m dying. xD

Crowley: Oh gosh… nooo. ><

Aziraphale: And you performed a miracle, so your plants got moustaches and hats and you talked something about "Attack of the moustaches-plants". ^^'

Gabriel: And you are saying my niveau can’t sink deeper…

Aziraphale: Uhm… and you had a fight with the door because you said she wanted to marry you. But you‘ve mentioned that you‘re in a wonderful relationship. <3

Crowley: This can’t be true! ><  
I‘ll never drink alcohol again. Neverrrr. ><

Hastur: You always say that…

Michael: So true. 

Aziraphale: Oh, I forgot something, my dear. ^^'  
You also baked a pink cupcake with candy sprinkles for me. <3

Crowley: Aww, I’m so happy to hear that, angel. <3

Gabriel: What a softy…

Aziraphale: But before I could eat it, you threw it out of the window because you were convinced that it was a spy of the ducks in the park and that they want to gain world domination. ><

Crowley: O_O

Michael: Pea brain. 

Gabriel: Absolutely.


	3. Chapter 3

Aziraphale: Guys! What do you think of going camping in a few days? ^^  
For example, at a lake. :D

Hastur: Yeah why not…  
Angels and demons on a camping trip. Why don’t we make a sleepover too? -.-

Beelzebub: I kinda like the idea. xD

Gabriel: Uhhhh this idea sound so disgusting. ><  
There will be sooo many insects. ><

Crowley: Man… such an oversensitive drama queen. :P  
It sounds like a wonderful idea, angel. <3 

Aziraphale: Ahh! <3

Hastur: You can’t be serious!  
We can’t go camping like humans! We are demons and angels, for Satan’s sake!

Gabriel: As much as I hate to admit it, the weirdo is right. :P  
Camping sounds just like a state of neglect. 

Beelzebub: We could get a pink princess tent for you, Your Excellency of touchiness. :P

Crowley: Hahah. xD

Gabriel: None of your cheek!!  
Moreover, what are we supposed to do if we get eaten by a bear?! ><

Beelzebub: Maybe, we are gonna see Bigfoot too. *sarcasm sends its regards*

Crowley: Nah, he would be way too shy to come to us because of Hastur - seeing him would force everyone to run away. :P

Aziraphale: This conversation is going to escalate out of control again. -.-

Hastur: You should watch what you say or I’ll throw you into the stupid lake!!!  
And my advice to you is to put up your tent before you‘re drunk again!!

Beelzebub: Hahah he could bring along his weird rubber duck. xD

Aziraphale: Leave him alone!!

Crowley: Ahh! My angel. <3  
But don’t worry: if they’ll continue to say these… unfriendly comments, I’m gonna make a campFIRE right beside their tents. And who knows… this campFIRE might set something on FIRE. :P

Gabriel: You wouldn’t dare!!!  
FIRE. IS. EVIL!!!!!

Crowley: Well… you’ll find it out soon enough. Heheh. :P

Gabriel: !!!! 

Beelzebub: We could also get some marshmallows. ^^

Michael: Oh Heaven…

Crowley: Yeahhh. Delicious marshmallows over the FIRE. :P

Gabriel: You know I hate you, eh?

Crowley: Oh, you don’t like me? That hurts so much… I don’t give a fuck. :P

Beelzebub: Hahah. xD

Michael: Dumb.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Soooo. Our demons and angels are actually on their "well-deserved vacation" in this chapter. ;D  
> Enjoy!  
> -SporadicReader

Gabriel: Guys??

Gabriel: Helloooo?!?!

Gabriel: Is nobody online???

Gabriel: HELLOOOOO?!?!?!

Beelzebub: Stop this nonsense now, or I’m going to grind you to little pieces!!!  
What the hell is wrong?!?!

Michael: He probably has a spider in his tent…

Gabriel: Do you think I would really stay this calm if there would be a freaking spider in my tent?? ><  
I‘m hearing so scary noises outside. ><

Crowley: Dang… are you serious?!  
There’s a forest right next to us, so it’s absolutely normal to hear noises. :P

Beelzebub: Yeah. Just shut up and ignore it. :P

Gabriel: Well… uhm… naaaah. 

Beelzebub: Well, than dig a hole to hide or sleep in the bushes, but leave us alone, for Satan’s Sake!

Aziraphale: -.-

Gabriel: …  
Can you check where the noises come from?!?! Pleaseeeee. ><

Hastur: Absolutely not. Move your stupid ass and find it out on your own!

Gabriel: Noooo!! I don’t wanna get eaten by something!! ><

Michael: He‘s probably cracking up because of eating some weird mushrooms. :P

Beelzebub: Hahah I’m dying. xD

Gabriel: Shut up!!!!  
I swear the noises are real! I’m gonna dieee. ><

Aziraphale: I would have a look, but Crowley holds me so adorable in his arms. ^^

Beelzebub: Awww. ^^

Gabriel: >< >< ><

Hastur: And this mess is supposed to be an archangel…

Gabriel: I can still hear it!!! ><

Aziraphale: He starts to scary me… ^^'

Crowley: You will stop scaring my angel immediately!!!   
Just have a goddamn look!!! 

Gabriel: But…

Crowley: No buts!!

Gabriel: And what if someone kidnaps me?? ><

Crowley: It’s 2am! There’s nobody out there!   
Besides, who would be that stupid to kidnap such an annoying idiot?!

Gabriel: But… ><

Crowley: YOU WILL HAVE A FUCKING LOOK RIGHT NOW!!!!

Gabriel: But these cracking sounds are way too scary. ><

Aziraphale: Did you say "cracking"?   
That’s just us; my darling is cracking nuts because I was a bit hungry. Hahah. ^^'

Beelzebub: All this trouble because of nuts?? xD  
I have to make a screenshot of this embarrassment. Hahah. 

Gabriel: Are you kidding me?!?!  
I‘m gonna kill you!!!   
Arghfjkdkxkwlxklsellnkc!!!&!&!&!!

Michael: I think you just broke him…

Crowley: Yay. :D


	5. Chapter 5

Gabriel: GUYS!!! SOS!!!

Beelzebub: Oh man… ><  
He’s probably gonna annoy us with another "problem". ><

Michael: I suppose so…

Gabriel: When we arrived at the campsite, we got this weird bracelet thing (to be recognized as a camper) and… I’ve lost it. ><

Hastur: Is this a joke???

Gabriel: Do I look like the April Fool‘s Day?!  
I don’t know how this happened. ><

Crowley: *brain has left the chat* :P

Gabriel: !!!!  
What am I supposed to do now?? ><

Beelzebub: Hoping that they won’t catch you? :P

Gabriel: >< >< ><  
If it comes to the worst case scenario, I just have to run away. ><

Crowley: Hahah, maybe they think he’s an illegal immigrant when he runs away. xD 

Beelzebub: xD

Gabriel: If that would happen, I would tell them that you weirdos kidnapped me!!

Crowley: Well, we would tell them that it’s just your imagination. Hahah. 

Beelzebub: And that you’re convinced that chairs rule the world. xD

Aziraphale: Oh man… ><

Gabriel: I‘m so happy that you‘re enjoying my suffering… it absolutely warms my heart…

Crowley: Just like a campFIRE? :P

Gabriel: Shut up!!!

Hastur: Maybe they’ll just send him to prison… and throw away the key. Muhahah. 

Michael: Heheh. 

Gabriel: Great… I‘ll probably end up in prison because of this stupid shit. ><  
And here are way to many people to miracle myself away. 

Beelzebub: I’m imagining how they would take him away in handcuffs. Hahah. xD

Crowley: Same. xD  
Or how he would sit inside the police car and screaming "I’m gonna kill you!". xD

Aziraphale: I don’t think that they would send him to prison because of losing a bracelet. -.-

Hastur: But it’s possible. Heheh. 

Gabriel: I don‘t want to end up in prison. ><

Michael: You could just miracle a bracelet, you idiot. 

Gabriel: But I‘m an angel… I can’t cheat. ><

Crowley: Pah… rules are meant to be broken. :P

Michael: It‘s not surprising that you Fell with that attitude. 

Gabriel: I just went to another tent and… borrowed another bracelet. 

Hastur: Borrowed… probably forever. 

Beelzebub: I’ve just seen it!! xD  
He was wearing a unicorn pajama. Hahaha. 

Michael: …

Gabriel: That’s… that’s a lie!!!

Beelzebub: Oh no, it isn’t. xD  
I even took a pic heheh. The shirt says: "Unicorns are fantastic. I’m fantastic. I’m a fluffy unicorn." xD

Crowley: Omg please send me this pic, Beelz. xD

Beelzebub: Of course. ;D

Gabriel: How dare you?!?!  
I‘m the archangel Gabriel, you stupid weirdos!!!

Crowley: I thought you’re a unicorn? xD

Gabriel: !!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review. :)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! :)   
> In this chat, a new character will join. ;D  
> Enjoy!  
> -SporadicReader

Gabriel: Good morning, you idiots.   
I would like to make an important announcement. 

Crowley: Dude, it’s 3am… have you nothing better to do?!

Beelzebub: It appears that he doesn’t… -.-

Gabriel: I decided that I need some… moral support because all of you messed me up during our camping trip (which was the biggest humbug in this entire universe!).

Aziraphale: And what does that mean? 

Gabriel: I’ll add Sandalphon to this chat conversation thing, sunshine.

Beelzebub: Oh hell no… O_o

Crowley: I don’t like this fucking dirtbag. You won’t add him. 

Gabriel: Oh, but I will, Crawly.

Crowley: Don’t you dare…

Gabriel added Sandalphon

Crowley: You‘re such an ass, Gabe. 

Sandalphon: Greetings, my highly esteemed demons and angels. ^^

Hastur: Can somebody kick him out??

Gabriel: Can you guys stop complaining?? I only added an alley!

Beelzebub: An "alley"… does this stupid archangel believe we’re playing "War of the chats" or something like that?? -.-

Crowley: You’re so right… -.-

Sandalphon: Come on, guys. You just have to think positive. I send you all a big hug! <3

Hastur: I think I’ll throw up. 

Gabriel: It seems you don’t know the meaning of politeness…  
Btw, are you guys also feeling a little itchy since we returned from our camping trip???

Aziraphale: No, not really. 

Gabriel: I probably had bedbugs in my sleeping bag. ><

Hastur: I can’t believe that these bugs would be a problem for us…

Gabriel: How do you know that???  
You’re not a professor of bedbugs, eh??

Hastur: Who got the sleeping bags, anyway?

Michael: Crowley…

Gabriel: This demon probably added itching powder in my sleeping bag!!!

Crowley: Do you really believe I would spend money on you, Mister Unicorn? :P  
Also, because of that, your sleeping bag was from a bulky waste. ;D

Beelzebub: I’m dying. xD

Gabriel: You’re kidding me, eh?!?!?!

Crowley: Uhm… nope? :P

Gabriel: You can’t be serious!!!! Argdjkflenxlexbkwkdjxj!!!!&!@&

Beelzebub: I think you just broke him heheh. xD

Sandalphon: That’s really mean. O_O

Crowley: Oh come on, it’s not that bad.   
Apart from a little spot, the sleeping bag was absolutely perfect. :P  
And it was free heheh. 

Gabriel: You‘re a dead man, demon!!!!!

Beelzebub: Why are you so annoying?? -.-  
Eat a cookie and shut up. :P

Aziraphale: -.-

Gabriel: !!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and have a wonderful day! :)


	7. Chapter 7

Sandalphon: Guys! ^^  
What do you think of another trip? It could be very helpful to come closer to each other!! *~*

Beelzebub: Dang… he’s way too motivated. Can someone please shut this thing up?? -.-

Gabriel: I hope you‘re not speaking of another camping trip. O_o

Sandalphon: Of course not, my friend. ^^  
I meant vacation on an island, for example. :D

Aziraphale: Aww Crowley! We could spend the whole day at the beach! ^^

Crowley: That sounds really perfect, angel, but there’s just one problem: all of these weirdos would be around us. :P

Gabriel: Can you please shut your stupid mouth, demon?!

Crowley: Because you asked so nicely… no, absolutely not. :P

Michael: Idiots…

Sandalphon: Ah ah ah, please be kind to each other. ^^  
I‘m totally convinced that some time on an island would be good for us. We could rent some bungalows. ^^

Gabriel: Yesss, as long we don’t have tents again. ><  
The insects were… disgusting. ><

Crowley: Geez. Diva. :P

Beelzebub: But do they have wireless internet there???

Michael: Don’t you have other problems except of worrying about wireless internet? 

Sandalphon: Well, there’s a cocktail bar and…

Crowley: IT‘S MINE!

Aziraphale: Don’t you said that you want to drink less alcohol, my dear boy? ^^'

Crowley: Yeah… but… these plans were thrown overboard right now, angel. ;D

Beelzebub: I don’t care if there’s a cocktail bar!!! Do they have wireless internet?!?!

Sandalphon: Yup! ^^  
They also have an air conditioning system and the beach is just around the corner. :D

Beelzebub: Omg, I’m gonna move into these bungalows!!  
And if the wireless internet isn’t for free, I’ll crack the password heheh. 

Sandalphon: But but but… that’s illegal!! •____•

Beelzebub: I don’t give a fuck. :P

Hastur: Btw, what’s the best way to travel to an island? 

Gabriel: A boat? And I’m the captain. Captain archangel Gabriel. 

Michael: Well, in that case we‘re going to drown…

Sandalphon: It sounds like a wonderful idea, Babe! :)

Beelzebub: "Babe"?? xD

Sandalphon: Oh god, I accidentally made a tipping error. I wanted to say "Gabe". ^^'

Hastur: Yes, of course…

Crowley: My angel and I won’t be on a boat that gets controlled by the king of stupidity. 

Aziraphale: Uhm… that wasn’t supposed to sound that mean but… did you ever steer a boat before, Gabriel? ^^'

Crowley: Oh yes, it was supposed to sound mean. :P

Gabriel: Of course I didn’t, but how hard can it be??

Michael: *facepalm*

Crowley: Okay, you can totally forget that.   
Moreover, he’s such a miser… he probably gets a junk boat and we would drown in the fucking ocean!

Sandalphon: I believe captain Gabriel is capable of doing it without any problem. :)

Gabriel: Same. 

Crowley: Believing isn’t enough. :P  
If you really wanna do it, you guys can choose your gravestone before. Aardvark or warthog?  
I BELIEVE an aardvark-gravestone suits both of you. :P

Sandalphon: You’re so mean. :(

Crowley: I would cry for you but yeah… demon… :P

Beelzebub: Hahah. xD

Gabriel: You’re such an assholejekfnfkdkfkekjfkfkrkkf!!!!!!

Michael: Aaaaand he goes nuts…


End file.
